


Being Yourself

by lesbianwisdom



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gen, Multi, Pearl is only mentioned, Pre-Canon, but she is important nonetheless, cotton candy garnet!, resisting the powers that be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 01:03:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13423428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianwisdom/pseuds/lesbianwisdom
Summary: What's in a name? Rose Quartz talks to the latest member of the Crystal Gems, and the young fusion muses on her identity.





	Being Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic I posted on fanfiction.net shortly after "The Answer" aired. I've always wondered how fusions knew their names. Something Garnet said in "The Answer" made me more curious. She said, "I was someone and I didn't know who". I mean, part of that makes me really want to know: how did she figure out her name? How did any of the multi-gem fusions, really? That sentence also indicates to me how much work Garnet had to do to figure out herself and to become the (seemingly) confident Crystal Gem she is today, and I think that's very relatable. Something about it makes her more lovable to me. On the whole, her development is beautiful. 
> 
> Edit (May 23, 2018): As for Rose - this story does paint quite a rosy picture of her (hah). My feelings on Steven's mother are.... complicated, and have certainly changed since the time I wrote this. I definitely don't feel as warmly towards Rose as it may appear in this fic. Even before the latest episode (ASPR), I had very complicated feelings on her. But ah, well. I hope I don't sound entirely naïve about this enigmatic gem in this fic, though. If I do dig deeper into this back story, or my head-canons, maybe I will get the chance to explore Rose's relationships with the others and de-construct them a little further. (But I do firmly believe Rose wouldn't be where she is, in terms of ideology and success, if not for Pearl, despite it all.)
> 
> Anyway, this story is just an attempt to make sense of some of the musings I had regarding Garnet's name and her sense of self when she first met Rose and Pearl. At the time of its writing (around two years ago), I had banged it out in about an hour, and I haven't edited it since then - so I hope you will forgive me.

"Welcome to the Crystal Gems!"

Two gems sat by the side of a pond. A green canopy rose above them, with occasional sunlight filtering through. Their faces were dappled with the gentle beams of light. Greenish-blue bushes dotted with newly blooming scarlet buds surrounded the two. Pink petals fluttered from the trees overhead, gently landing in the water. They traced lazy circles on the surface before allowing themselves to be carried by a gentle breeze across the pond. The clear surface of the water was spotted with these pink leaf-like objects. Just beneath the surface, tiny creatures darted away from the petals. They were colored with varying shades of black and brown, and had tiny tails trailing behind them as they flashed away. Even deeper, there were richly verdant aquatic plants.

There was something pure and fresh in the tranquil atmosphere. The world had just been born. Everything was entirely new to the latest addition to the Crystal Gems.

The one who had spoken had her pale pink toes in the clear water. She stared with large dark eyes at the organic life. A smile played across her gentle face.

"You know, you're actually only our third member". She looked up to gaze at her companion, who forced a smiled in return, mostly because that was the only thing she could do.

The fusion didn't have another response; what could she say? She was still trying to decipher the implications of… well, _herself_. She understood that she was now a part the rebels - or rather, the Crystal Gems - but she had no idea what that actually meant. Given how small the group was, she wondered whether she was making a huge mistake. What if this was only temporary? Perhaps it was foolish for her to hope that she continue living here with these gems, on this planet. Surely word of her unorthodoxy had gotten to Homeworld. Surely they were planning a final attack now. Surely the so-called rebellion was soon to end. Her freedom, indeed her life, were probably not long-lived.

Yet, she had the memories of her components, and she recalled how devastating these two were to the progress of the colony. If just two gems - and one of them a Pearl, albeit a terrifying and extremely talented one - could consistently thwart the advancement of the typically meticulous plans of that world she herself had never known, what did that mean? Was this resistance more than a simple act of protest? Perhaps they were on the brink of something bigger.

Such alternating thoughts had become typical. Sometimes she would be completely secure in her existence. She belonged on Earth. After all, Ruby and Sapphire had never been happier. But other times, when she didn't take those two into account, she would fall into spirals of self-doubt. She remembered the words of the crowd that day when she was first formed. Unbelievable, disgusting. Every time the insults rang in her head, she would feel a little less sure of herself. Still, she couldn't deny there was something thrilling about simply being. There was something so right about it. All in all, she was very conflicted. But if there was one thing she could feel completely decided upon, it was that she would not unfuse. At least, not willingly.

She was distracted from her confusion when she felt gentle fingers in her multicolored hair. The leader of the rebellion, Rose Quartz, was plucking petals out of it. Apparently, her hair was a magnet for organic odds and ends such as flowers, leaves, sticks, vines, or even the occasional butterfly. Rose picked out a particularly long and flexible twig, toying with it until it resembled something like a circle. It wasn't entirely smooth, however, especially since little stubs protruded from the main body. Rose seemed satisfied, though, and she once again beamed at the fusion. Her fingers, large and graceful, almost absentmindedly began to weave the petals onto the nubs.

"Isn't this planet beautiful?" she mused. Her companion agreed with this. Earth was indeed beautiful. She nodded, genuinely smiling this time. She still didn't speak - Rose and Pearl had both noticed that she wasn't one to waste words. Perhaps she was just scared, which was understandable. Rose, too, had been scared when she decided to "go rogue", as they'd say back home. Well, no. Homeworld wasn't really home anymore. After all these years, she still had to make sure she didn't slip back into her old habits. Fear, confusion, insecurity - even now, these were strangers neither to her nor to Pearl. So she felt immense compassion for this rather strange new being, who had only existed for a few weeks at this point, and even then, on and off. Fusion of different gem types didn't seem to be easy, despite Ruby and Sapphire's close bond. But the fusion had recently begun to remained fused for longer periods of time. In fact, by the way she behaved, it was almost as if she wanted to stay fused permanently. Rose had no idea if that was possible, but she would not be surprised if Ruby and Sapphire managed to do it. In an attempt to anticipate the path this fusion's existence would take, Rose had decided to officially welcome her, as herself, to the Crystal Gems. Of course, that would automatically make Ruby and Sapphire part of the group too, but they weren't really the main event. This fusion was different from them. She had her own identity. She was - she was -

Rose had a sudden realization. She didn't even know what type of the gem the fusion was.

"What kind of gem are you?" she asked. The fusion had been examining her palms, lost in thought. At the question, she looked up, all three eyes wide and startled.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you a ruby or a sapphire?"

A few silent moments passed. The fusion blinked a few times. Her hands clenched into fists. Though she was looking right into Rose's eyes, she seemed as if she wasn't truly present. Her third eye closed of its own volition and her other two seemed so far away.

"I- I- I'm both… or… no, I'm neither? I… I don't know." She sounded so unsure that it made Rose fill with an odd sort of sadness. She wanted nothing more than to help this gem, but she had no idea how. There had to be a way to reassure her. Rose sensed strength in her - strength that went beyond the mere fact she was a fusion. If only she could find some way to nurture it and bring it out.

"Well, maybe you have a name? I mean, we can't go around calling you 'the fusion' forever, right?" She tried for an encouraging smile. To her surprise, the fusion chuckled.

"No, I suppose you can't." She shook her head. Her right hand reached up to her left temple, a gesture indicating uncertainty. "I've been thinking about it", she admitted, "and I don't think I have one. I believe I am more than Ruby and Sapphire, but I don't really know who I am."

Rose pondered this. Names on Homeworld - well, they didn't mean much. Most gems had their gem type, their facets, and their cuts. In the case of Pearls, they only had their serial numbers and the ID number of the particular plant in which they were manufactured. Whatever the case, names were more for logistics than for individuality. Earth was different. To Rose, this demonstrated one of the most fascinating aspects about organic life. Though most, if not all, creatures here were carbon-based, no two were the same, even if of the same species. This reminded her of something Pearl had said to her many years ago - something she realized was relevant to the conversation she was having right now.

"You know, on Earth, names hold power", she said. The fusion tilted her head. Rose doubted if she should even be saying this, but the curiosity in the multichromatic gem's eyes was encouraging. Rose continued, her voice soft and smooth. "As you probably know, pearls are identified by their plant and serial numbers. Their names, if they can truly be considered names, are just a way of keeping them organized." Her companion was clearly well-aware of this, as she was nodding. "Well, after I came to Earth with Pearl, she dropped her numbers; she stopped using them. For a while, I didn't understand this. Why would she want to take away her individuality? By simply disregarding the numbers, she was allowing herself to be… washed away - in a manner of speaking - by the multitudes of other pearls that already exist. Then she explained something to me, and I understood."

Indeed, Pearl's shortening of her name was quite the opposite of what Rose had deemed it to be. To the slender-gem, there was something degrading about being referred to as simply another number. It was as if she didn't matter - truth be told, no other gems truly cared to get to know any pearl. To them, all pearls were the same, and to some extent, that was true. They each had similar functions and qualities. But Pearl knew something more. She knew each pearl had her own little quirks, idiosyncrasies which, among a company of pearls, distinguished one from the other more than any serial numbers could. Each pearl tended to have a nickname among the other pearls she worked with. Perhaps one had a peculiar voice crack when she spoke. She was called "Squeak". Another with a distinctively smooth gait may have been called "Glide". And these pearls relished each of their nicknames, because they felt more true to their real selves. 

The pearl Rose knew and loved was called "The Renegade" among other pearls, and indeed, among other gems as well. So it made sense that when Pearl arrived on Earth, she dropped all numbers as well as any and all old names. This choice, at least, was something she had decided for herself, rather than something assigned to her by others. She called herself "Pearl" with a capital P. She was asserting herself as an individual and her right to be recognized as such. She was not simply another product on an assembly line, but she was unabashedly herself. Pearl still struggled with her self-worth, but Rose had noticed a huge boost in confidence soon after the decision. 

Inspired, Rose had dropped her own facet and cut. She was just Rose Quartz. It had felt odd at first, but Pearl's beautiful smile at the announcement had made it worth it.

The name changes marked a final break from Homeworld and its militaristic ideals.

"That's what I mean when I say names have power", Rose finished, her eyes sparkling. The dappled sunlight colored green by the surrounding flora added an extra brilliance to them. "Don't you see? On this planet, a name describes you, not what others expect of you. A name holds your personality, your identity, your own decisions. There's something fantastic about the idea that you determine your own destiny, isn't there? That's what a name means. That's why you need a name too. Because you're not just some fusion." The volume of her voice lowered so that it was nearly a whisper. "There's never been anyone or anything like you. Your name - whatever feels right to you - will signal that. It will be a display of your pride at being yourself. And being yourself is the best thing anyone can be."

In the time it had taken to relate the tale, Rose had finished with her handiwork. A circlet of pink petals was placed on the fusion's soft hair. Rose leaned back to admire it - in delight, she clasped her hands together. But it seemed as though her companion had barely noticed. With shock, Rose realized that a single tear had dribbled from the fusion's red eye, down her cheek. It rested on her chin, glistening as it reflected the warm rays of the sun like a prism. Suspended for a few minutes, the tear broke free and landed, making a single dark spot on the fusion's bare knee.

"I think I understand", she murmured, her voice quivering with emotion. She used the back of her right hand to wipe away the dampness. The fusion smiled broadly, exposing her teeth. That was not a tear of sorrow, Rose realized. The fusion gazed at her gems once more, her expression that of love - not only of the love Ruby and Sapphire had for each other, but also of the love she had for herself. "I need some more time to think", she added, "but I understand."

The words were simple and few, but they conveyed everything that was left unsaid: _I know what I need to do - I need to be myself, and I need to love being myself. Thank you for your support and encouragement. Thank you for taking me in. I am proud to be a Crystal Gem._

Rose's face soon mirrored the fusion's, complete with a wide smile and tears, though there were significantly more tears on Rose's part. The newest Crystal Gem suddenly found herself swept up in a warm embrace, a sign of Rose's unconditional acceptance. It was sweeter than any words spoken.

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps it should be said: Garnet is my absolute favorite character on this show. She just means a lot to me. I think about her (and her components!) a lot, and have a ton of fic ideas - we'll see how many I actually bring to life. Indeed, I have some idea for a potential second chapter to this story.
> 
> Edit (May 23, 2018): And you know, regardless of everything, Garnet did love Rose a lot, despite (or, in light of recent events, perhaps because of) lies she did tell. Rose meant a lot to her, as did the rebellion, and this reveal probably broke Garnet's heart. I can't imagine what Garnet is going through right now. 
> 
> I also have other stories uploaded on fanfiction.net, which I may go through, edit, and re-upload here (though I must say, writing isn't really my forte)! As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! Have a wonderful day.


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